The role of the family therapist is to offer guidance and structure to rebuild emotional connections enabling the supported families to rebuild, connect and move beyond a difficult time. The family therapist is helpful in rebuilding the family and helping to mend the damage to relationships that families can experience during the treatment of an eating disorder.
Supporting families with a loved one who is suffering from an eating disorder (e.g., anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, ARFID) is part of programmes in NEDRC.
To understand the role of the family therapist, we first need to understand each member of the family and how the eating disorder could or has impacted on their experiences in the house.
Parents, guardians or care givers
Parents may have already gone through so many different challenges while raising children, some were easier to understand, for example, the first day of school. Reflecting on our own personal experiences and those of friends or family, can enables us to understand the challenges and have the ability to offer support to our loved ones, thus creating a more positive experience during this transition.
Although some parents may have had conversations with friends or family and may have attended some support groups, understanding that an eating disorder is complicated and each requires individual care to understand why they have developed, how it can be navigated and how best to help support the person and family. How parents can absorb all the information being presented and determine the key aspects that relate to their loved ones, how to support other members of the family, enabling them to better understand how supported families operate together taking into account the strengths of families and areas of further work needed within the family communication.
Parents, as the primary carer of their loved one, provides a great level of support to the person with an eating disorder. For some families, this can create an expectation that if the person is not getting better, then, the parent is failing in their role. Even with supported families, the person who has the eating disorder could be dealing with complicated external issues, that may be slowing down recovery and blame cannot be attributed to anyone, including the parent/ care giver. This idea can lead to a misalignment with expectation on recovery. The parent’s expectation may be for the person to follow, for example, the meal plan and progress towards recovery however, if the person is unable to do this, it could cause stress in the family and at times lead to conflict. When a parent understands that our internal stress in the situation could affect our actions, we can then understand our starting position when entering family therapy.
Siblings
When families experience difficult situations, it is rare that singular members of the family are involved. Often siblings will witness how even supported families experience and behave during difficult times. The interactions of the parents and the person with the eating disorder could be difficult for them to understand, regardless of age.
Conflict like this may not have been part of the usual family dynamics prior to a person developing an eating disorder living in the home. An example of this may be how meals in the house could change from a time where family chatted about their day and achievements and felt a sense of connection. Now with difficulties around meals, this could mean that parents are not as open for conversation during meals as they are otherwise focused or that parents are trying to support the family member with the eating disorder during the meals in a different room.
This could cause conflict between siblings as before they may have felt supported by their family prior to the eating disorder becoming a centre point in the family. The change in the relationship may lead to resentment and possibly anger towards the sibling with the ed.
Friends and colleagues
Friendships can be a great relationship we have with others. We can place various levels of value on friendships to a higher or lower level. However, friends’ experiences with the person now suffering from an eating may not positive and to maintain the friendship may no longer be possible. Examples of birthdays, or meals out may be a challenge resulting in difficult situations amongst the friendship. Friends may distance themselves from the person with the eating disorder as a way to protect themselves.
How does a family therapist rebuild the relationship and dynamics?
Understanding that when each person enters the session, they come with issues related to their personal experiences. Sometimes they may not have previously communicated their needs or felt unheard in family interactions. Having time where each person can express how they feel without the demands of the normal day, enable direct focus on singular issues and define the concerning issues that are taking place.
An example of this may be a sibling feeling guilty for missing the time they used to spend with their parents but when their parent’s time is taken up with the sibling with the eating disorder, they might not have time for other members of the family. The sibling knows the other person needs this time but also may feel their needs are not being met and may not know how to express this. A family therapist understands this and can help the sibling express this and offer the family an option to examine the whole family’s needs.
It is not about blaming or hurting each other, the aim is to open up the communication and learn a better way to communicate with each other in a constructive manner.
Supporting a family to understand that conflict can happen in any family but because of the challenging nature of an eating disorder this naturally can increase conflict. Family members may focus on the conflict that occurred and the feelings that have arose from this but with the guidance of a family therapist using a reflective cycle we can start to incorporate change into the situations and offer solutions and resolutions to the conflict.
For example, using the Gibbs reflective cycle in a situation looking at each stage from both perspectives, e.g., the parents’ perspective and the person with the ed perspective.
This reflective cycle involves 6 stages:
- Description- what happened?
- Feelings- What were you thinking?
- Evaluation- What was good and bad about the experience?
- Analysis- What sense can you make of the situation?
- Conclusion- What else could you have done?
- Action plan- If it arose again, what would you do?
There are several techniques used by the family therapist in NEDRC to help keep the families supported through their loved ones eating disorder treatment.
If you would like to find out more on how to engage with one of our programmes and seek support from our family therapist, please contact us:
Email: enquiries@nedrc.ie
Telephone: 01 564 4450 or 087 775 5996
Further information on NEDRC’S adolescent treatment program: Click here
If you would like to discuss the concerns you have about a love one, contact NEDRC in confidence. We are happy to listen and guide you through.
NEDRC can help you and your loved one take that vital step to regain a happy, healthy life. Please use the contact details below to find out about our eating disorder treatment options available to you and your loved one. Contact NEDRC
Telephone: 01 564 4450 or Mobile: 087 7755996 / Email enquiries@nedrc.ie
For referrals from Healthcare/ Therapeutic professionals please contact via : referrals@nedrc.ie or healthlink@nedrc.ie or online via Healthlink
Healthmail users can send referrals to healthmail@nedrc.ie
